Monday, August 25, 2008

if you can't say anything nice

Then just shush, shhht, shut it or zip it. What's with those people who are ever so free with the negative comments? You know the ones, they're happy to meet you, greet you and then say, "Wow, you've put on weight" (or, as a girl did to me when I was in my twenties, poked me in the tummy and said "you're putting on the beef"). What's the point? Seriously, when I've put on weight, it hasn't escaped my notice. I know it's there and, chances are, I'm dealing with it - or ignoring it. It's the same with the sympathetic "oooh, you look tired". What the? If I'm tired the last thing I need is someone telling me I look pale, wan, puffy eyed and crappy. It won't inspire me to go home and take a nap, it'll just make me feel even worse than I already do. 

Are these people honestly happy for people to say the same to them? Um, doubt it. Personally I like to move through life effecting positive changes. I'd prefer to compliment someone, and normally you don't have to look too hard to find something nice to say. A deftly served compliment is the simplest way to give someone a boost.

Of course now that I'm more mature and wouldn't be quite so devastated by a negative comment it rarely happens, but next time it does I'm going to raise an eyebrow (probably my left, I can't seem to get the right one to move independently) and in a puzzled tone enquire "Why would you say that?"


  1. Well here in the Midwest, its just not even people who are close to you that will speak out of turn. I'm talking absolute, random total strangers. I've had more negative comments from perfect strangers (ranging from that "are you pregnants" to a horrendous "You know hun, boys don't like fat girls. Bet you'd get married if you lost about twenty pounds." Thanks lady, for that matter- I AM MARRIED (said in a much nicer tone albeit) and she sniffs "Well hmph, if the love handles don't go, he'll find another bed to sleep in hun.")

    Now I know that my looks aren't cookie cutter, and I definitely know that I want to be skinnier but since when have common sense and basic MANNERS gone out the window? We, as women, work so hard to get to that place where we finally like ourselves or at least are just ok with ourselves and then the comments just go flying. Ugh.

    Man it's enough to make someone want to swill ativan with straight vodka. Oy.

  2. Seriously - why? There is no excuse for bad manners, and those people must have seriously horrid lives to come up with comments like that. I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that it's not about me - it's about them, but it can still hit you hard.

    I would loathe myself if I even made an inadvertent comment that upset someone, so I can't even dream of deliberately insulting someone. Erk. You serve that Vodka in a fabulous martini glass and raise it to yourself and all you've achieved!


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